Decadence: noun: excessive indulgence in pleasure or luxury

Sound good to you? Then read on for the ultimate in hostelry hedonism. Give your love life a boost with an intimate getaway.

The Crazy Bear

There’s a choice of locations for your sumptuous stay-over with The Crazy Bear Group: Stadhampton in Oxfordshire; Beaconsfield in Buckinghamshire. Both offer stunning and individually designed rooms and suites, with lavish features such as copper roll-top baths that fill from the ceiling, leather and velvet floor wall and ceiling coverings, and sultry lighting, guaranteed to add a touch of licentiousness to your stay.

Top tip: rooms here are very, very expensive. Check out Groupon for deals, which appear from time-to-time.


This saucy boutique hotel guarantees you “won’t find a better place for your dirty weekend in the UK”. With 19-individually themed rooms it promises something “tickle those quirky taste buds of any pleasure seeker looking to try something more unusual”. We recommend the nookii room, koibito love, or the lovers’ lair. Additional extras here include mirrored ceilings, a pole-dancing area (yes, really), round beds, iron beds, spa bath, plunge bath… one room even comes with an “Over 16s only” policy.

Top tip: this hotel does welcome children: however, some of the artwork in the hotel is not suitable for children, and the hotel will also removed the Koibito Love Menu from your room before your arrival, if you wish.

Tuddenham Mill

Nestled discreetly in the Suffolk countryside, enjoy a discreet nestle at this beautiful boutique hotel. We like the meadow nooks and the loft rooms. Guests can opt for a room that includes a hot tub, double ended baths (one of which is big enough for three apparently!), walk in showers, and original exposed beams. You won’t have to move too far from your room to sample the 2018 Waitrose Good Food Guide winner’s menu either.

Top tip: this hotel has some great offers available on its website.


This London residence describes itself as a “discreet and intimate hideaway” with “the relaxed feel of an exclusive private members club”. You’ll find it close to Victoria Station, and it’s probably the closest 5* hotel to Buckingham Palace. The 30 bedrooms and suites are decked out in striking black and white and some have open fires, split-level suites, a glass roof and your own daytime personal assistant. The hotel has a number of offers, including a Pre-Pay & Save. As the name suggests, discounts of up to 25% are available for early bookings. Ts&Cs apply.

Seaham Hall

This beautiful Georgian country house is a luxury spa hotel in County Durham. Our favourite rooms here are the Garden Suite, which comes with its own hot tub, the Ada Lovelace suite with its two slipper baths with a view of some of the 37 acres of estate, or the Penthouse with its gold-plated fittings. The hotel offers a best price guarantee if you book directly with them, and spa and treatment facilities are available for residents.

Top tip: among the special offers available here, is the Men MOT. It’s a two-night programme for men, and includes an assessment, a tailored health programme and treatment plan, and a juicing workshop to create your own signature juice, based on what your body needs.

The White House

This boutique hotel in Devon has six bedrooms that have been designed with comfort and luxury at the centre. Rainstorm showers and baths big enough for two, we’d opt for rooms 4 and 5. Room 6 is in the eaves of the house, perfect for a fairytale stay. The hotel currently only serves breakfast, but recommends two sister restaurants for breakfast, lunch or dinner. The hotel will book a table for you, if you ask them when you arrange your accommodation.

Middleton Lodge

Middleton Lodge in North Yorkshire has a number of rooms available across several venues, with more coming soon. This country estate offers elegance without compromising on comfort. We would opt for The Tack Room in the Coach House, with its hint of Oliver Mellors in Lady Chatterley’s Lover. With two restaurants from which to choose, food from the kitchen garden and the opportunity to hire The Forge, the Fig House or even the main house, this retreat is the epitome of class.

The Witchery

A pure unmitigated pleasure palace: THE TIMES… The ultimate romantic bolthole: THE GUARDIAN… We simply can’t choose one suite at The Witchery over any other. Roll-top baths for two, champagne and a breakfast hamper in bed, this is an adults only hotel.

Write Review